The Irony In The Hipster Movement

Ohmygosh! Its the new big thing! Being... not mainstream.... is becoming... wait for it... mainstream! Oh the irony. This of course is the hipster movement. This movement is the reason anthropologists will be baffled by our culture in 250+ years. This movement endorses all of the things that get pushed under the rug by the rest of society! For example, cigarette smoking has been deplored by our society, yet hipsters can't be caught without their pack of "American Spirit" cancer sticks. Even if they don't smoke. Another example: Pabst Blue Ribbon. It has been pretty well established that nobody in America likes PBR, but because noone likes it, PBR has become the national beer of the hipster movement. Wait. Scratch that. You can't have endorsements! Wayyyyyy too mainstream. 
It is forbidden by the Hipster Handbook: We can't have a handbook! It's Already Been Done! to wear any clothes that cost more than 5$ but less than 75$. If its under 5$ then its thrifty and chic, but more than 75$ shows sophistication and class. (And you wonder why the middle class is deteriorating!!!) This has seen the market for cut-off khaki skinny jeans explode in the last 5 years. Guess that one slipped past Wall Street. 
If you want to listen to music, it has to be from no-name indie bands that play folk and slow mellow rock. If this band hasn't released an album and has just leaked its songs online, that is a huge bonus. And movies? European or indie. No excuses! Hollywood is just so cliché! 
The accessories are the most important part of any hipster wardrobe. A belt would be way too popular, so whoever had the idea of wearing a shoelace as a belt is up for the Hipster Nobel Prize. Next comes the silicone band with the small digital readout (because everyone has a big clock)that pairs with the snapback hat that endorses the obscure sports team whose mediocrity has led hipsters everywhere to support them. The retro designs that adorn these hats are just perfect for hipsters. But if its too cold for a snapback, you'll see hipsters wearing a solid color knitted/crocheted beanie thats hanging halfway off their head. That's the thrifty side of the hipster outfit, cause there is no way that could ever be classy... And the sunglasses! Oh the sunglasses. The brightly colored cheap Ray-Ban knock off's are just splendid. They match truly any outfit, because trashy never goes out of style!
The shoes vary and actually fit into normal society. Boat shoes and Toms have become all the rage in the hipster community (seems kinda contradictory right?)These aren't even brightly colored or anything. These shoes are actually kinda normal.
After all this, I'm just glad the little-known cafe I'm writing this at has outdoor WiFi so I can sit outside and smoke my American Spirit's. Oh God!! It's happening to me too!! Heeeeeelpppp!