BREAKING NEWS: I STARTED A NEWSPAPER FOR THIS POST

BREAKING NEWS: Wisconsin Head Coach Appeals to NCAA to Make Game Only 59 Minutes
MADISON WI. (AP)- University of Wisconsin football head coach Brett Bielema has released a petition that outlines a 59 minute football game to the NCAA Board of Directors. This announcement came in a press conference shortly following Wisconsin's loss last week against Ohio State. In an uncharacteristically angry rant that required no prompting from reporters, Bielema said "We are the best 59 minute team in the country!"
This outburst was the result of two straight weeks of heartbreaking losses in the final minute against two division foes. On Oct. 22, Wisconsin was beaten on a Hail Mary thrown by Kirk Cousins that barely broke the plane of the goal line after an official review. Although clearly dejected, Bielema did not let his temper get the best of him in the post-game interview. 
Last weekend was a different matter. After watching his team battle back in the fourth quarter to tie the game, Bielema was forced to watch as Ohio State quarterback (name here) scrambled from the pocket to throw a 40-yard pass to his receiver who was waiting in the end zone. This pushed Bielema over the edge in the postgame press conference. "The NCAA has been extending games for far too long!" said Bielema. 
When asked his opinion on this rule change considering the fact that no. 6 ranked Stanford would have lost in their game against USC if this rule change was implemented, Bielema seethed "Do you really think I give a flying (explicative) whether Stanford loses?! Those mother(explicative) have been ahead of us all year long."
The NCAA has yet to respond to this proposition put forth by Bielema.