Cyanide and Happiness of The Week (And Bonus!)

Your Cyanide and Happiness of the week is after the jump along with some observations on the tragic Ohio school shooting.

Part One: America In Economic Crisis

Now that we are finished with the introduction section to Mitt Romney's "Believe in America: Plan for Jobs and Economic Growth," it's time for the good stuff. The Economic Plan. The meat of the issue. The heart of the matter. The shark in a group of sardines. The coffee at an AA meeting. It's the one thing that everyone is talking about!
If you missed the first installment in this series here it is: Introduction to Mitt Romney's Economic and Growth Plan.

I Read It So You Don't Have To

Mitt Romney released his economic plan. It is 156 pages of conservative drivel. So I will read it for you and pull out the important stuff. Obviously, this all won't fit in one post so this will be a series, updated every day(ish) until I am finished. My goal is by Super Tuesday, but don't count on it.

Too Short For A Blog

I have so many random thoughts that -- SQUIRREL! -- it is hard for me to sit down and write a full-length blog often. Thats why you only get one blog every few days. However, there are a lot of things that I could write a paragraph on. So I thought I would just start writing about a paragraph at a time, and when I have two or three, post them as a compilation. So this is the trial edition. Enjoy.

Cyanide and Happiness of the Week

For a while now, my favorite online comic has been Cyanide and Happiness. It is a roughly drawn comic that fits my kind of humor. So weekly, I will share it with you: the Cyanide and Happiness of the Week. This week's is comic #1494...

Spit-Gate? Really?!?!

News from the golf world! No, not Phil Mickelson starting the year off on a hot streak or Bill Haas beating him at Riviera in a playoff. Not Tiger falling apart at Pebble and placing 15th. Not the Accenture-Match Play Tournament this weekend. The gold world is abuzz about Keegan Bradley, who is an up-and-coming young star on the PGA Tour. However, the real issue with him is his pre-swing ritual.

S**t Sportscenter says

So one of the new things around the internet is S**t ___ says. Basically, you just make a list of S**t someone says. The most famous is S**t Nobody Says. Sportscenter says some pretty stupid stuff that, when taken out of context, is hilarious. So I'm going to make one. It may just be the easiest blog I have ever done. Sit down and watch Sportscenter, then everytime they say something that is just so Sportscenter-esque that I must share.... well I type it.
[Ed. Note: Jeremy Lin puns are not included. I am Lincapacitated by them. Ah God! The Linvasion has hit me!]

A Trilogy Of Sorts?

So believe it or not, Rick Santorum reads my blogs. Okay, don't believe it. It isn't true. As far as I know. Anyways, I hypothetically found his fictional journal that isn't real. In it, I found a song he had written based on the lyrics of Gives You Hell, by The All-American Rejects that was addressed to Washington and New Jersey. Crazy right? So I stole it and put it up here.

More Updated Song Lyrics

This time I wanted something a little bit more contemporary to work with. Enter: Dare You To Move by Switchfoot. A really good song to begin with, is it just not relevant enough right now. But not anymore!
[Ed. Note: This post was thought up while washing dishes at Japanese Blossoms. No correlation between the two. Seriously.]

A Bright Spot In Dark Times

In an era where auto-tune and electronic alteration rules the music world, there is one bright spot that stands out like no other. With a voice that could rival Etta James, Whitney Houston and Aretha Franklin, British artist Adele has shown us that a beautiful voice is all you need to make great music.

A.J. We Didn't Mean It!

Fans of a team consider themselves part of that team, and a team is a family. Everyone knows that one person of the family that everyone loves to hate on. For my Yankees, that was A.J. Burnett. It isn't hard to figure out why: the man just didn't perform! He was atrocious over the past few years and I dreaded every fifth day when he started. Now that he is set to leave though, I don't want him to go.

BREAKING NEWS: HOSTAGE SITUATION/AMBER ALERT

BREAKING NEWS: Mother Earth Holds Winter Hostage
Earth (AP) - In a shocking development, it has been released that Mother Earth is holding winter hostage. The ransom has been released as "less than 7 billion" permanent residents of Earth. 

New-Age Lyrics

So a new thing I thought I would try out is assigning new and contemporary lyrics to an old classic. To start off easy, I did one that everyone knows: Imagine, by John Lennon. Now when your done signing it out loud, check out the new one.

I Bought Into It

So after rejecting the Super Bowl this year, I finally got sucked into the vortex of hype that is the finale of the NFL season. I got sucked so far down into the black hole of consumerism that I came up with a few ideas for the Super Bowl next year, starting with having anyone not named Madonna or Nicki Minaj preform at halftime.

Constitution? When It's Convenient....

So in America, we have this thing called a Constitution. It was written a long time ago, and now we have these 9 old folks whose sole job is to defend it. These 9 judges, the "Supreme's" if you will, know it pretty well but rarely talk about it. Then on the other hand, we have the American public. As a whole, they don't know much about this document, but most profess that our country must follow these guidelines set forth hundreds of years ago. Ah, but politicians. These are the combination of the two. Politicians know a lot about the Constitution and preach it to others. But do they mean it?